Etwas the Elf

Etwas the Elf
Our heroine, photo by Maia Ycot

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The tale of the elf, the ogre and the tale of the frost giants

Once upon a time, Etwas the Elf was running through the forests of grass, under the canopies of clover and around the stems of tall flowers when she decided to go visit her cousin, Stevie Elfsmoosher, the big, mean, ugly ogre.  She turned and jogged up towards the mountains and before she came within miles of his home, she heard the echoes of enormous stones being pounded against other stones.  Sure enough, it was Stevie trying to pound slabs of slate into cliffs of basalt.

Stevie was so busy, he didn't even notice that he was under attack by tiny elf until she was sitting on his earlobe.  "Howdy, Stevie!" she peeped.

"Oh, hey, Etwas.  What are you doing?"

"Sitting on an ogre's ear," the elf answered.  "What are you doing?"

"I'm building a library."

"What's a library?"

"Sort of a shelf.  You put books on them."

"Oh!  What's a book?"

"I think it's a slab of stone with a story in it."

"What's a story?"

"You've never heard a story?" her cousin asked her, incredulously.

"I don't think so."

"They usually start 'once upon a time.'  Farmers tell them a lot.  Here, I'll tell you the story about the Frost Giants"

The tiny elf clapped her hands and the big, mean, ugly ogre began.  "Once upon a time, Iceland was full of frost giants.  They were huge creatures, ten times taller than even I am."

"That's tall!"

"That's right!  And they were covered in fur- white fur, every hair on them was covered in ice crystals.  Their eyes were pale blue and they ate people."

A breeze rose and carried a voice from outside the scope of this story that asked "Like a polar bear?"   

But the elf and the ogre ignored the voice.  Stevie asked "Have you ever seen a person?  They're like bears only arty."

"Sure," Etwas said, glad to feel clued into this arcane discussion. "I've seen lots of people."

"OK, so that's what Frost Giants ate.  Anyway, there came in Iceland a Viking King named Grétar who was tired of his children being hors d'oeuvres.  Vikings had beem fighting frost giants for centuries until they realized they were simply volunteering for the pot luck.  

"But Grétar had a clever idea,  He climbed up the glacier Eyarfjälljokull and dug a hole in the top of the mountain beneath."

"Why would you put a well in a glacier?" Etwas asked.  People aren't that bright, are they?"

"Not so much," Stevie continued, "but Grétar was pretty smart for a viking,  So he dug the hole and then he hollowed out a narwhal's horn and cut a hole in the tip.  He put the horn into the hole and told a long story into the heart of the mountain which filled up with hot gas and exploded, making the first volcano.  

"The lave melted the ice crystals on the frost giants and with no frost, the giants discovered their fur was actually purple.  Embarassed, they left the area.  So King Grétar went all over Iceland making volcanoes and, ever since then, Iceland has been a slightly safer place for people as well as for ogres and elves."

And ever since then, Etwas is very careful with stories, lest they shatter the landscape.


  1. "Anyway, there came in Iceland a Viking King named Grétar who was tired of his children being hors d'oeuvres"

    oh my you are almost a Grimm..... you daughter will be proud. I think Meryl Streep reading the series, along with a storybook would be a great gift maker.

  2. Are you offering me Meryl Streep's services as a Christmas present? Because that would be awesome.

  3. Nice, Doug. I can idenify with a large part of your story here. You sure are grinding these out.

    Next step is to digitize them for the iPod, Kindle, etc.

  4. Doug, I don't believe you. A voice from outside the scope of this story? That's impossible.

  5. It is true, I heard in a documentary film that the planet would explode if volcanos didn't let out all the hot stuff from inside time after time. Now we know why.