Etwas the Elf

Etwas the Elf
Our heroine, photo by Maia Ycot

Sunday, October 16, 2011

The Elves and The Ogre

Once upon a time, Etwas the Elf was running through the forests of grass, under the canopies of clover and around the stems of tall flowers when she came upon her cousin, Eamon the Elf carrying a blueberry on each shoulder, hiking up a rabbit trail.

"Hi, Eamon!" Etwas greeted her cousin and then asked "Where are you going with those blueberries?"

"I'm going to see my bwudda," Eamon answered.  Eamon's brother was a big, mean, ugly ogre named Stevie Elfsmoosher.

"Can I come?" Etwas asked.

"Shuah!" Eamon invited.  So Etwas carried one of the blueberries and the two went merrily along the rabbit trail until they started to hear the thunder and feel the earth shaking from Stevie Elfsmoosher kicking a soccer ball against the side of a mountain.

"It's bettah to appwoach him fwom upwind, usually," Eamon advised.

Some time passed and then the ogre let out a blood-curdling roar that shook leaves from trees and scared snakes underground.  Then he bellowed, "Someone tugged my nether fur
I tell you, whether him or her,
I'll burn my candle in your head
And grind the rest to make my bread."

"Good rhyme!" Etwas praised.

"Stevie's weally smawt!" confirmed Eamon.

"Just as I prepared, to damage do,
I hear Eamon.  Is that you?" Stevie grumbled.

"Me and cousin Etwas!" Eamon answered, pointing at the other Elf who was, at that point, dangling from the ogre's stumpy tail.  Stevie stuck his fingers around his backside, so that the two elves could each hug one.  Then he lifted his kinfolk onto his shoulder.  The ogre considered and pouted so sadly that his bottom fangs grew slick with steam his nostrils.

"What's the matter, Stevie?" Etwas asked her cousin.

"Roasted peasant and toast onion,
I kind of thought I'd eat someone."

"How about some chess?" Etwas offered.  Stevie destroyed his cousins on his chessboard with as much satisfaction as he'd have found demolishing a stranger.

And ever since then, when Etwas doesn't feel like eating what's in front of her, she plays with her food.